Posted: 10 May
This is the fourth in a series of five blogs based around the book The 5 Love Languages – The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.
If you haven’t already, I’d like you to go back and read my first three blogs on the topic – Physical Touch, Quality Time and Acts of Service.
Spending a little time reading and digesting these articles will help you to view love with different eyes, so will be well worth it.
It doesn’t even matter if you’re not in a relationship right now.
The information in these blogs will help you be an amazing partner in the future.
Mastering this particular love language will not only pay dividends in all of your relationships, but in the other areas of your life too.
The ability to be articulate and express yourself well will improve many different aspects of your life.
So, Words of Affirmation.
Words are powerful; there is no doubt about that.
They cast spells.
That’s where spelling gets it’s name from.
King Solomon once said “The tongue has the power of life and death”
The impact words can have – good and bad, cannot be overestimated.
A few inspiring words from a coach, can be the difference between a gold medal and no medal at all.
A few kind words to a suicidal person can be the boost they were looking for to not end their life.
A few harsh words from a loved one, can lead someone into a spiral of depression that impacts them for the rest of their lives.
A few negative words from a teacher or person of authority, can lead to a lifetime of low self-esteem and not feeling good enough.
A great appraisal from a boss can boost you onto cloud 9, maximizing your performance and helping you to thrive for the rest of your career.
Whilst a bad appraisal can leave you in the depths of despair, convinced that you are hopeless at your job and totally downhearted and demotivated.
Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment”
He was recognizing the power that words had over him and his overall wellbeing.
He was most definitely a Words of Affirmation person!
If you or your (future) partner is a Words of Affirmation person – (take the quiz at www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes) then saying the right thing at the right time could make a world of difference to your relationship and your happiness levels.
If you’re the strong silent type, or a man of few words (which many of you are) then pay attention, because this blog is especially for you.
We all love to hear how much we’re loved.
How special we are.
How proud of us you are.
How much we mean to you.
How amazing we look.
How clever we are.
What a difference we make to you.
How much you admire us.
Whether it’s from a partner, a friend or even a parent.
I’ve worked with many Words of Affirmation clients who longed to hear these kinds of words from their parents, but never did.
They literally thirsted for them, the way a man thirsts for water in the desert.
If you didn’t hear them when you were growing up, it may be difficult (read nigh on impossible) for you to express them now.
It feels completely alien to you.
Even if you feel the words, you can’t express them.
They get stuck inside you somehow and just won’t come out.
Learning to say these words to a Words of Affirmation partner could save/skyrocket your relationship.
If you can learn to say them, and say them sincerely, it could not only turn around your relationship, but your whole life.
We are meant to experience our feelings, its part of the human experience, and we are meant to express those feelings, at appropriate times, in appropriate ways.
And if you’re a Words of Affirmation person, those words from a partner you love, will be like music to your ears.
The right kinds of words, at the right time, run deep.
Really deep.
And be careful, as it’s so easy to get this wrong.
Get it wrong and it could do a lot of damage.
Because Words of Affirmation people are very susceptible to harsh, critical words too.
They have a thin skin, so careless criticism cuts them very deep.
None of us are perfect, but wherever possible try to be kind, not sarcastic.
Notice and appreciate what your partner does, how they look, how kind they are, what a great Mum they are, how they make your life better.
What they are genuinely skilled at.
Notice everything and comment sincerely.
Watch them bloom and grow under your loving words.
Just like a flower that’s sprinkled with water and sunshine.
The more you do this for your partner, the more they will do it for you.
It will be a virtuous circle – where you both water each other.
How nice.
And be original; don’t keep trotting the same things out.
Look for different things you can comment on.
You must be 100% sincere.
If you’re feeling it…learn to express it, and encourage your partner to do the same.
Tell other people how wonderful your partner is too.
If they hear that back from someone else, it will make them feel absolutely amazing.
Be a great role model to your children and tell them how wonderful you think their Mum is.
And those 3 little words (I.L.Y) are so important to hear from the person who means the world to you.
I believe you should never say them if you’re not feeling them, but conversely, you should never hold them back if you ARE feeling them.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve never been good at expressing yourself or finding the right words.
It’s never too late to change.
I have clients in their 70s and even 80s (yes, honestly) who’ve made huge strides in this area.
Learning to do this will set you free.