So Many Unhappy Men

A lot of you were taught from the earliest age, not to show emotion or be vulnerable in any way. You had to man up, suck it up and not be “weak”. If you ever did show emotion, you were often badly-judged, ridiculed or even shamed.

The more emotional boys were bullied…even beaten up, so lots of you decided to hide your softer side, for fear of the same treatment. This is when the mask first appeared.

You may have experienced abuse – physical, emotional, or sexual – but very few ever of you ever shared that with anyone. You may have suffered trauma, neglect or abandonment – but you’ve never properly addressed any of it. Sometimes it was none of these things, but you just feel deeply disappointed that life hasn’t turned out the way you hoped it would. You’ve been taught to just get on with it…to just keep going…

Trauma causes the freeze response…this meant you went into yourself to cope…unfortunately many of you stayed there…

Men have just as many emotions as women…but you generally don’t know what to do with them. You fear their depth and intensity, so you distract yourself, ignore them and lock them away.

You’ve become an excellent carpet sweeper…but then you have to drink, drug or do other unhealthy things to numb yourself.

Many of you have shut down your emotions to such an extent that you can’t find them anymore. You don’t know what you’re feeling…you have no words… you don’t know where to start…

When you shut down the bad, you shut down the good too…

Often something happened in your childhood that created a mindset or belief that you were somehow less than, or not good enough in some way – the odd one out. Deep inside, you believe that you’re not as worthwhile as other people; you’re flawed or different somehow.  Many of you still believe that.

It’s given you an incredible drive to succeed; to prove yourself in life – so you’ve worked and worked and worked until you’ve succeeded. Now what?

A lot of you don’t really like who you are… you’re plagued by the fiercest inner critic telling you over and over again that you’re hateful/bad/wrong/not good enough. This all creates a hole; an emptiness inside you. You may have developed an addiction by trying to fill that hole. 

You buy things to impress other people – the big house, the fancy car, the toys…but they bring you little or no satisfaction, and this only adds to your feeling of emptiness…

If there’s a hole in your bucket (heart) it doesn’t matter how much money or success you pour in, it will all leak out every time…

Maybe you’re lonely; too shy to show the REAL you. Too scared of the shame and judgement of others to open up and actually be vulnerable…so you stay behind your mask. You have very few REAL quality connections in your life, because you never fully open up.

You push down and ignore your misery as best you can, but it just keeps tugging at your sleeve…It’s your heart trying to tell you something…your soul crying out for more…

A lot of men have a lifetime of tears bottled up inside them…

“I have Christina to thank for making sure I saw another Christmas when I wasn’t sure I would. The help she gave me over the time we had together was completely different to anything I’ve ever experienced. It has helped me every day since and really improved me as a person.  Now I am absolutely thriving in every area of life. I’m living a life I never thought possible before. Thank you, thank you, thank you Christina.”
Stephen