Posted: 10 May
This is the third in a series of blogs based around the book The 5 Love Languages – The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.
If you haven’t already, I’d like you to go back and read my first two blogs on the topic – Physical Touch and Quality Time.
Spending a bit of time reading these blogs could open you up to a whole new world, so it will be well worth it.
Even if you’re single right now.
These blogs will help you be an amazing partner in the future.
So Acts of Service.
I always think this one sounds a bit formal.
It basically means doing things for your person to show them that you love them.
If Acts of Service is yours or your partner’s primary Love Language (take the quiz at www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes) then doing things for one another could make a world of difference to your relationship and your happiness levels.
To qualify as an Act of Service something needs to have impact, initiative and the right attitude.
You won’t be judged by the amount of time you put in, or even by how hard you work, but by your effectiveness – how much impact you have on your person.
Work hard at the wrong things and it will have no impact at all – it could even have a negative impact.
So many men get this wrong; they spend hours on a task that has little or no impact on their partner.
Then wonder why she’s unimpressed.
This can lead to an attitude of I can’t win.
I spent all this time doing A, B or C…and she’s still not happy.
The majority of men are wired with an instinctive desire to prove their worth.
They enjoy being providers and caretakers.
BUT they want their work to mean something and they want to have credit for it.
Most men LOVE brownie points more than anything.
They LOVE to make their woman happy.
They just don’t always know how.
Traditionally most couples have what I call blue jobs – the tasks that men normally perform around the home – putting the bins out, sorting any family vehicles – cutting the grass etc.
And pink jobs – the tasks that women normally perform around the home – cooking, cleaning and generally anything that isn’t the above.
In modern times though roles have changed – with both parties usually working – men are taking on more household duties than ever before.
Lots of men now love to cook and in many households men will tackle cleaning, childcare and other domestic duties too.
This is great, but once you realise that your partner is an Acts of Service person you need to take this up a notch.
If you already know what tasks they loathe, then go ahead and take some of them off their plate.
If you genuinely don’t know, then you need to ask!
Get your partner to come up with her List.
(List has a capital L because it’s a very important document. What’s written on that piece of paper has the potential to change your whole relationship).
Their List should be made up of 4 or 5 things that would mean the world to them, if you took them over – even occasionally, if time is too limited.
And if you really want to improve your relationship, you must take these tasks seriously – not just give them lip service.
You must do them with the right attitude…a happy, willing attitude.
So if there’s a chore that she despises, something that takes the pressure off for her, or gives her some much needed downtime, then take on that task.
Whatever it is that would make your partner feel truly loved and cared for is where you should focus your efforts.
That’s where maximum brownie points lie.
Under no circumstances ask your partner for their List and then do nothing about it.
And you must act straight away. If you drag your feet you’ll do more harm than good.
There’s nothing more harmful than asking for someone’s deepest wishes and then ignoring them.
That won’t make her feel loved – just the opposite.
You must take the initiative on that List as soon as you possibly can.
And don’t just do it once in a blue moon.
Even if you can’t take on that task permanently, do it as often as you can.
We’ve been talking about you giving to your partner, but let’s just turn the tables.
What if your love language is Acts of Service?
(Which from my experience is the second most popular love language for men).
Then it will mean so much to you when your partner performs certain roles for you.
(Let’s keep this clean)!
Perhaps when she cooks your favourite meal, or keeps the house spick and span because she knows it means so much to you.
Or she runs you a bath and brings you your favourite beer when you’re aching from doing the gardening.
A clever woman will know how much these things mean to you. So she’ll do them happily and willingly.
Why not sit and have a conversation about this?
“It would mean the world to me if you did this, this and this…”
What would mean the world to you?
And then act on it…and stick to it.
This might seem like a lot of effort, but trust me, if you care about your partner, the effort will be so worth it…
Your relationship will skyrocket into heaven.
If you need help with all this love and emotion stuff because it’s really not easy for you, then get in touch.
I’d love to help you improve your relationship and your happiness.