Posted: 10 May
This is the final blog in my series based around the book The 5 Love Languages – The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.
If you haven’t been following the series so far, please go back and read my other articles on the topic – Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation.
One of these topics will be your primary Love Language and one will be the primary Language of your partner or future partner.
Digesting the information and suggestions in these blogs could improve your love life and happiness levels immeasurably.
There’s that well-known adage – a happy wife is a happy life and I think this is true, to some extent.
But I prefer a happy spouse means a happy house.
Because it’s not just about one of the parties’ happiness – it’s about both – we’re looking for equal give and take here.
So, Gift-Giving.
Gift-Giving, as a Love Language, is not referring to flashy, expensive gifts, being materialistic, gold-digging or trying to buy affection.
A person whose Love Language is Gift-Giving is not necessarily a materialistic person.
Gift-Giving is about feeling loved because you’ve been given a physical reminder of your loved ones affection.
The cost or worth of the gift is incidental.
It could be a heart-shaped pebble or a pretty shell off the beach, as long as it’s given with love.
If you think about it, nothing expresses love more than a hand-picked flower given by a child.
In this case, it really is the thought that counts.
The more thought there is, the more love is shown.
It’s about having something you can hold in your hand that says “Look, my loved one was thinking about me.”
Gifts are visual symbols of love.
And the more thoughtful and appropriate the gift is, the more it says I love and/or appreciate you.
If you or your partner’s Love Language is Gift-Giving (take the quiz at www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes) then giving or receiving a thoughtful, heartfelt gift could make a world of difference to your relationship and your happiness levels.
Just to reiterate, a gift’s impact has nothing to do with its cost or worth.
In fact, I would say an inexpensive, but very thoughtful gift is far more valuable than a much more expensive random gift.
And the wealthier you are, the less meaningful your expensive gift is.
Home-made (or computer-generated) gifts can often be the most meaningful and cost next to nothing.
If your person doesn’t seem to be impressed by any of your gifts, then either they’re not a Gift-Giving person or, you’re not putting the right amount of thought/effort into the gift.
It’s the same with greeting cards.
The right card, which expresses your heartfelt feelings and sentiments to your partner, can speak volumes, and will mean so much to them.
As will a carefully hidden, love note – these are gifts too.
Some people are naturally great Gift-Givers, but if you’re not…
Think back to which gifts have had good reactions from your partner in the past.
Take note of their interests…think outside the box.
There are many businesses selling unusual, personal gifts – e.g. notonthehighstreet.com, Etsy.com.
When your partner says they need something, or they’d like something, make a note of it.
Think about activities they’d enjoy, or trips, or things you would enjoy doing together.
If you see a gift your partner would really like, pick it up for them, even if it isn’t a special occasion.
If you’re really struggling, ask other family members what your partner would really like.
Where gifts are concerned, the more effort you put in usually, the greater reward you’ll get back.
So allow lots of time to think of something special.
Leaving it till the last minute will only usually lead to making-do, and this will speak volumes to your partner.
They’ll feel disregarded, overlooked, and not special in any way.
And this will only cause a chink in your relationship.
When you get really good at Gift-Giving, you’ll often feel more excited about giving a gift than receiving one.
When your partner really appreciates the time and effort you’ve put into something, this will only enhance your relationship.
Think major brownie points!
If your primary Love Language is Gift-Giving then make sure you express this to your partner too.
Let them know just how much their thoughtful gifts mean to you.
That you appreciate the time, thought and effort they’ve put into something.
We generally don’t spend time or effort on people who don’t mean anything to us.
So it really is a lovely way to say to someone, you are special to me.
Some people are spenders and generously share whatever they have, whilst others are savers and prefer to hold onto their money.
When you hold onto your money excessively, you are not investing in your relationship.
When you don’t invest, you don’t get much of a return either.
Think about it, if you want reciprocal love, you have to be prepared to give love.
Always think of your gifts as expressions of your love.
This may mean some time and effort has to be expended, but if you really do love your partner and want a special, deep relationship with them, it will be well worth it.
When both partner’s emotional needs are met, the relationship will take on a whole new dimension.
Sometimes the gift that your partner (or you) wants the most is the other person’s presence.
At times of crisis, trauma, bereavement etc. your partner may really need the gift of your presence more than anything else.
Being there when your partner really needs you is so so important.
If your partner says to you, I really want you to be here tonight, tomorrow, this afternoon etc., then take this seriously.
Even if you don’t understand why.
Similarly, if it really means a lot to you for your partner to be by your side for something, express that to them.
This can truly make or break your relationship.
It really is worthwhile taking the time to get to know both your Love Language and that of your partner.
Even if you’re single, assimilating the knowledge in this series of blogs will make you a far better prospect for the future.
You’ll be much more of a catch!
If you’d like my help with all things love and communication, then get in touch.
With the right help, you really can learn all this emotional stuff.
It’s just a skill like anything else.